Sunday, March 6, 2011

Blazing BlazBleh

Allow me to start the day by flaming the hell out of something that is really starting to deserve it in my eyes.

I'm talking about a game.
A really great game in most respects. In fact, it's a game I very much enjoy playing. Great visuals, great freakin soundtrack, and great story (well actually, it's not great, but I'm actually somewhat interested which is more than I can say for most fighting games).

Despite all these things, this game has begun to circle the drain.
The reason?
One word, 'DLC' (I know thats not a word, shut up and pay attention).


If you haven't figured it out already, I'm talking about Blazblue: Continuum Shift. A 2D (and awesome for it) fighting game for the Xbox 360 and Playstation 3.

You're probably wondering why I'm blasting this game's DLC. Well lets have a look shall we?



First they gave us this bitch:


Makoto.

I didn't really understand why they added this character man. We already had Toakaka so we REALLY didn't need another furry, and Litchi is already filling the boob quota.....

Scratch that.
You can never have enough boobs.....

She's an interesting character to play as, and she has a few funny lines, but I hate her anyway. Noel was filling the dumb blonde bimbo quota already. Makoto may not be blonde, but she's just as annoying.


The game redeemed itself shortly after by releasing VALKEN-FUCKING-HAYN BITCHES!!!



*Clears throat*

Sorry about that, but this guy was just freaking amazing when he first came out. I can still remember how pissed xbox owners were when he got delayed for like a month, my roommates bugging to play with him on my PS3, and the mirror matches, my god the endless mirror matches.

The werewolf butler/legendary hero was just too fun to use. Dashing all over the screen in wolf form, juggling your opponent in that air as they yell obscenities and call you a fag for spamming.

And having easily the most epic astral finish in the entire game:

Just beautiful.


But then.
Those bastards at Arc System Works.
Decided to release Platinum.

I remember looking forward to this bitch. I really do.

We first meet him/her/it (multiple personalities, one of the things that made platinum cool) in Ragna's story mode.
Platinum is on the right


Platinum is covered head to toe in rags, has a bitchy attitude, and argues with him/her/itself. When I found
Platinum was going to be DLC I was as happy as a kid on christmas.

Until......I saw this:




WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!!?!?!?!

No, No, I refuse to accept that this is what they decided to go with.

I refuse to believe that this was unanimously agreed upon.

Somebody had a fucking gun held to their head, I know it.

HOW THE HELL DID THEY GO FROM THIS:

TO THIS:

I mean she has hearts for eyes for fucks sake.

And is that cowbell around her neck? WHY IS SHE WEARING A GODDAMN COWBELL??
HOW IS THAT RELEVANT TO HER CHARACTER?........WELL?!?


It's not even like this game needed another joke character. We already had four of them: Bang, Toakaka, Makoto, and Carl fucking Clover. 
There. Quota's filled.

Why do we need this bitch? Were they going for the Lolicon Mahou Shoujo  demographic or something??? (For those of you who don't know, 'Lolicon Mahou Shoujo' basically means Pedophiles who like girls with magical powers *shudders*).


Do they really expect people to shell out another 8 bucks for this piece of shit character they just blew out their asses for more profits???


*sighs*

I'm gonna stop before I blow a vein or something....

Let me know what you think of Platinum if you're a gamer.

I'll leave you with a video of the abomination. (Just ignore the Japanese commentary):


Later.



14 comments:

  1. Thats a kinda adorable design, but is also pretty ridiculousss
    and WTF COWBELL? LOL.

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  2. I really like Blaze Blue, but I have never bought any of the DLC for it, in fact, I haven't bought DLC for any games... I feel that I'm paying enough with the initial price of the game, I don't want to pay more!

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  3. lol that's hysterical. Yeah, hearts for eyes and an apparent negative cup size when the clear rule for gaming is 'c' cup minimum , wtf is that all about???

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  4. Dude, the cowbell is awesome! I'd probably play that game just to annoy the crap out of everyone watching me play it by using her. It can't be THAT bad.

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  5. The bitch is evil.

    Mark my words. She's the fucking loli anti-christ of gaming.

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  6. You know what grinds my gears lol? The fact that this has probably become the most annoying game now thanks to the introduction of that Cowbell. Goodluck to those observing the player.

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  7. LMfao at the cowbell.. Check out my blog! alphabetalife.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete

Gimme ya two cents...